Borrowed life

When I was 18, on holiday with friends, I was enjoying a day on the beach. Swimming in the ocean, surrounded by people, I slipped under and got pulled back far enough that I couldn't get up. Nobody noticed, nobody came to save me, I don't know how, but I managed to crawl my way closer and survived. I think I should have died that day, it would have been better for everyone. Those close to me are hurt by me, and most of those close to me are gone. The few that stick around, all I do is hurt them, and I can't make any new friends. It is for the best, I would just end up hurting them too.